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embarrassing little truths

ETA: These are from Ruminations.

“More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.”

“Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.”

“Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.”

“I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.”

“I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.”

“A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.”

“LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say” ”

“How many times is it appropriate to say ‘What?’ before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?”

“While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and i instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.”

“Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if
I do!”

“There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.”

“I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone
and run away?”

“I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.”

On another note, there’s this asshole spider that’s been hanging around in our house for the last few days. He does unnerving things like drop rapidly from the ceiling while I’m moving through a room or the hallway, and then do it another few feet away a few minutes later. What a creep.

Right now, he’s walking along the floor, still attached to his web string. He’s brown and has these spindly legs and his body is about the size of a clove. Perhaps I should find out if he’ll kill us.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 6th, 2009 at 3:32 am and is filed under internet, real life. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.